to lauren:

People aren’t able to become more or less conscious; one has an innate amount of consciousness they have no control over. Therefore I can forgive everyone; “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” They are not conscious enough to build a better consciousness: they’re simply taking the path of least resistance, like a negative charge is necessarily attracted to a positive one. So how do I grow in forgiveness which is simply mislabeled acceptance? How do I forgive someone who has never asked for forgiveness? I accept the experiences we shared; it’s not about the other person, my forgiveness, my acceptance. These are independent concepts.

If I learn to say yes to what is, I can love my neighbor as myself. No one is in control of their actions; control is the illusion; I am merely a passenger to a vehicle set in motion; my only action I can take is a reaction; I understand people’s reaction in horror that the world feels like it is not as it should be, but the world is. The world is.

It’s hard to accept that which one is resistant to, and I of all people am especially not above this. This health scare, this dimness of my inner light suddenly regaining brightness like I couldn’t have ever imagined, to me it points to an idea that I have no control, only more or less awareness, so my only job is to be aware, to the best of my ability, my ableness, to use that ableness to accept as much as I possibly can. That’s all. Good night.

Adam Papes